in the mine

this is a short story

what I’m doing is I’m offering myself to you. there’s no way I’m getting around it, I always thought I could. but ain’t no how ain’t no way. ain’t no way I’m gettin’ around it.

you see what I’m giving you is a piece but to you it’s everything and it’s also more.

the thing you’ve got is always better and more than the thing I do. and you can pathologize that if you want to. as me thinkin’ what I’m giving you is more to you than it is to me. as you always havin’ more of me than I got of me. my knowin’ that and still doin’. if I told it to the right person they’d call me sick and there are times when I would agree for sure.

but supposin’ it ain’t an affliction and it’s just the way things was? what then?

if part of bein’ meant you was always givin’ more? you was always givin’ everybody more than you had. and everybody was givin’ themselves to you. fallin’ apart. if only you could see it.

what would that mean?

what if part of bein’ meant you couldn’t do it alone? that you were needin’ others and they were needin’ you? and you weren’t never gettin’ around needin’ and you weren’t sick at all but you was lovin’? and instead of scarin’ you it felt good?

what if there was nothin’ that felt better? fallin’ apart and needin’ and givin’. what if you were sick if you thought there was any way around that?

you thinkin’ you’re alone revelatin’. but even then you ain’t. cuz it ain’t comin’ from you. and you go on revelatin’ and you realize that even God ain’t alone. and you was thinkin’ how a revelation ain’t worth dick on an island. and how God hisself ain’t dancin’ alone.

and what if you’re doin’ the same thing as the big man, bein’ made like Him and all. what if he was givin’ more of hisself to you than He had? and you was always takin’. because that’s just how bein’ is, ain’t no gettin’ round it.

and maybe that’s the cure to the sick. givin’ more than you are and God never stopped, no sir, he was doin’ it all the time. and that’s what bein’ is.

what would you do then?