WINDING A WATCH
ADVICE FOR BODIES INSIDE HEADS
You’ve never wound a watch and that’s why you are miserable. It’s because you have never divorced the clock from your head. He kills eternity every moment. An absolute monster. You. When was the last time you wrote a note by hand? You live inside a head and you’re an animal bred in captivity. He was bred in captivity inside a room made out of clocks inside a head that fits an entire world. Reminder: teleportation is time travel. I have to remind you because you already know that because you’ve heard of space-time and yet you go separating space and time all the time (and all the space) because you’ve forgotten you’re not allowed to do that. Anyone who says they do that is wrong. (I know because I buried them in my backyard.) Every time travel movie forgot to show you that the entire earth was in a different position in a different time and the time traveler died alone floating in space. It’s called magical realism, chump. It’s okay it’s called science fiction so you shouldn’t take it too seriously. I’m serious as a heart attack, mister Neil deGrasse Tyson, scientific consultant on my multi-million dollar science fiction digital film. Mister Tyson floating alone in space inside my head-room made out of clocks. He had time to waste. It was part of an equation. He said time was part of an equation and light has a velocity which is meters per second which is space (meters) and time (per second) and he tells me he can separate the two and he isn’t floating alone in space, frozen. Aight, dawg. Do you remember when Satan was described as blameless in Eden, walking among fiery stones. (No, that’s an interpretation! Ok, shiny eyes, calm down.) He was adorned with jewels at his creation. Brilliant, shining, and scattering light in all sorts of directions. Light. How you’re seeing and how anything is happening that you can describe inside clock-head world. You can see Satan’s face shining light through your little demon machine portal but suddenly I’m the crazy one when I tell you that the little screen is projecting an image inside your clock-room inside your head. You say you don’t live inside a clock-room inside your head, your feet are firmly planted on the ground. Tick tock. It’s called fiction, my guy. No need to take things so seriously. No way that old retards could have known about wave-particle duality. They lacked iPhones and therefore wisdom and they didn’t know about Neil deGrasse Tyson telling me about space and time. They were dumb. Had to be. Connections are always dumb unless it’s you drawing them. Then the picture is a masterpiece. Then the picture is an entire world. Tick tock. Have you been wasting your time reading this. You better not. You better optimize. Optimize your time, chump. He’s (you) a murderer. He optimizes. He didn’t even know that he killed the entire world. He didn’t even know! It was a tragedy but it became a comedy when he wrote it down. It was a tragedy but when someone else reads it they can’t stop laughing. You wouldn’t want to waste time floating alone in space. You would hate to do that. So you write it down (on a computer). And suddenly the time was no longer wasted. It transformed into something new. Reflecting and refracting light. Jewels adorning Satan. Jewels forged under the earth. Heat and pressure. Hellish. Beautiful jewels! Remember when God appeared as a rainbow? Light refracted by water in the air. The sky and the horizon. The rest of the rainbow (it is a circle) is beneath the horizon. Light hits your face and leaves your visage a shadow on the ground. You don’t need to wind a watch, it’s all automatic for you. Tick tock.