NEW INTIMACY IS A MUTUAL GOON SESSION OVERSEEN AND BECOMING ITSELF IN THE MACHINE BETWEEN TWO MIRRORS

RUINS ONTOP OF RUINS

Drawing I made called MARRIED TO THE PANOPTICON

NORMALIZED ABUSE AND THE BANALITY OF EVIL

I was recently at a restaurant picking up food with my mother and I saw two children probably around eight years old and each of them had an iPad. I pointed to them and said to my mother, “that is child abuse. We are witnessing child abuse.” She said that I am being dramatic and I said “if I told you I gave a child a porn machine you would, rightfully, want me killed. That’s what these parents have literally done. But they’re traumatized too, they’ve been tortured their entire lives so I don’t really blame them.” My mom said “well, when you put it like that…”¹

If you showed hardcore pornography to a child you would be sent to prison.² This is considered child abuse; it’s in the same wheelhouse as rape. And yet here we are. An abused generation. A tradition is a solution for a problem we forgot we had because it worked so well.³ There are many complaints, analyses, etc. of tradition these days or a lack thereof but you’re engaging with traditions all the time that you can’t see because it’s the water you’re swimming in. I’m talking, of course, about allowing a child access to the internet, at all.

I know, I know, I’m the crazy one. I should have a normal one, man. Morality is just what most people think is normal, man. It’s nothing eternal and there isn’t anything eternal anyway, and if you’re seeing eternal stuff then you’re probably crazy! You’ve probably got a disorder that Experts have identified in a book! It’s pathological! (Don’t worry evil isn’t real and it’s not staring you in the face all the time, haha. Hegel told me if you’re seeing evil everywhere it’s because you’re evil and he also told me that history is a rational process, haha.)⁴

NEW INTIMACY

The old intimacy, ya know, getting married and having sex, produced life. It was a union of two souls, a sacred covenant established by God; it fostered mutual spiritual growth, helped establish a sense of being and purpose, unlocked new frontiers of commitment and strength. Well we killed God a long time ago and there’s nothing sacred now and all marriage in the West is effectively gay marriage AKA a secular LARP.⁵

It’s not your fault. You were abused for your entire childhood and now here you are older and totally fucked up but it’s normal, everyone else is totally fucked up too, and now it’s weird otherwise. What could be more intimate, more revealing, than the rape victim admitting that all of her sexual fantasies are now centered around getting raped, she needs to get raped now because of her trauma, and she shares this with you and you engage in her fantasy. The opening of unconscious, deep-seated trauma, an almost unparalleled vulnerability, voluntarily offered. And you accept it. The new intimacy is revealing to your partner⁶ what kind of porn you like.

What are victims of sexual trauma supposed to do? Psychologists say trauma occurs when you are emotionally overwhelmed by something—the usual mental processing that occurs with memory facilitation and contextualization is overrun with stimulation so it doesn’t properly happen and you probably develop coping mechanisms to deal with this unprocessed event (/ongoing thing). So you might go to therapy to “process” your trauma: you talk to someone who gives you a new perspective, explains how certain habits (your coping mechanisms) are related to the trauma, helps you integrate your traumatic experience into your psyche, helps you accept what has happened and who you are. And you go to therapy and you do all that and you accept who you are and things that have happened in the past and maybe that involves accepting the reality of evil, maybe you get angry at your parents or whoever and you forgive your abusers and you forgive yourself,⁷ you do all of that but still, you were conditioned over years and years as a child and no amount of forgiveness or acceptance will change the fact that the thing that gets you off is violent sex.⁸ And you get married and you tell your husband and he listens to you and accepts this, your vulnerability actually strengthens your union with your husband under God, you make children and God smiles upon your union because the amount of beauty in the world is so overwhelming and finally you can see it and you have the opportunity to literally create life and glorify God and creation and every day is a miracle and it’s so overwhelming and you laugh with people you love and who love you.

Baudrillard is a meme at this point; I don’t have to tell you that our simulated environment (the internet) isn’t even based on modeling the world, it’s a simulation of a simulation (history).⁹ Here on the internet we’re constantly dancing alone with shades, phantoms—is it any wonder that intimacy for those raised in this environment would be a sick joke. Real intimacy produces life, challenges you to lock eyes with Eternity. The new intimacy, revealing what kind of porn you like to your “partner,”—sharing your “trauma”—and maybe even masturbating together, reinforces your incessant interiority, your subjectivity. So says Mircea Eliade in The Sacred and the Profane:¹⁰

Religious man’s desire to live in the sacred is in fact equivalent with his desire to take up his abode in objective reality, not to let himself be paralysed by the never-ceasing relativity of purely subjective experiences, to live in a real and effective world, and not an illusion.

At best, you become another image, porn looking at porn for your porn “partner,” your vulnerability strengthens the bars of your prison, your “partner” orgasms at the same time as you and the result is fleeting pleasure and a mess. You have progressed through history and isn’t it wonderful.

drawing I made called WWW.THEPUNISHMENTISTHEREWARD.COM

TRAUMA BONDING

I was going to use “trauma bonding” as the previous header but it turns out what I thought was trauma bonding is not. Apparently trauma bonding is when a traumatized person becomes attached to his abuser. I thought it was when traumatized people bond over their similar past traumas, but now I can use it to explore something a little different, and it works even better in this context.

What even is trauma? The word comes from the Greeks, and to them it just means a physical wound. What about psychology? Again, the word comes from the Greeks, it’s a combination of psyche meaning SOUL and logia meaning study: psychology is the study of the soul. Huh?

this does not bode well

The above chart is correlated to so much idiot shit, fake and gay anti-life. Psychology today is all about the mind as totally material, because it’s ScIeNtIfIc. Today, if you’re doing “science,” you are operating in a materialist framework.¹¹

from this article on the history of psychological trauma

The notion of psychological trauma itself is built on the foundation of considering a person as primarily material; it’s another tendril of modernity.

from this article on PTSD

Is it any wonder that PTSD correlates so perfectly with the growth of industrial modernity—from the railroad to WWI.

BUT WAIT. Wild animals can get PTSD, too!

an evolutionary adaptation for something cyclical…eternally recurring you might say…

Another guy should write an article about projected population decline in all countries, even the religious ones, and how it’s actually an evolutionary adaptation in service of an unseen, grand cycle (no, please stop). The difference between the trauma of humans and wild animals is that ours is self-imposed. Lacking natural predators, we modify our environment in service of our abstractions, ersatz natural systems, fundamentally unknowable, blotting out our own ability to see the stars in our “progress” towards recreating what God made in His perfection. And it traumatizes you, little by little, every day. And you love it. You sick fuck. You love your abuser. You’re trauma bonding right now. Looking at pictures online. Reading this article. You’re sick. God help us.

1. Oh what irony that I am telling this to my mother, who gave me my own porn machine! I have forgiven her and I love her, this is part of growing up. She’s a victim of abuse herself: the complete normalization of having a television in your home happened before she was born. If you observed traditions that were evil (a television in your home? talk about the banality of evil! (don’t look too much into income tax and fiat money, I’m warning you)) and just unthinkable to even bring up ever in polite discussion as such then I wouldn’t blame you if you thought the material world might be literally Hell (calm down) or a prison.

2. Unless it’s institutionalized. Then it would be called “public education.”

3. hoe_math is paraphrasing/restating this Donald Kingsbury quote.

4. I’m not anti-Hegel I’m just anti-progress and anti-equality (whoa Hegel is totally correct that I’m evil, right, Mister Faggot?). I haven’t read enough of his work and I don’t really care that much to make a normative statement regarding his stuff, but I am aware that bringing up anything on the internet at all brings the baggage of Audience demand/expectation of “do you condemn or condone X”—go have an argument on Reddit. I’m just aware of that Hegel quote about seeing evil everywhere and thought it’s a valid criticism of my psychotic rambling on the street corner about seeing evil everywhere (and my rambling is moreso just a reminder (maybe you’re hearing it for the first time) that you’re already wading through ruins anyway.) I reject the notion of progress, in general, so I assume we (me and Hegel) would have issues but I genuinely don’t know and instead of wasting my time reading a translation of Hegel (no, not that one! wah wah) and pretending to understand it, I will just be honest (I think that’s the best any of us can do.) (Whoa bro, you reject the notion of progress, you really are crazy! Maybe I don’t understand (wouldn’t be the first time), but to me, progress implies betterment: it’s a moral statement. I don’t think I’m qualified to make moral statements about the material world aside from recognizing when something is not God, and when it tells me it is God and I can see that it is not, I call it evil. The jury’s still out on non-material progress. (Would a progressive idealist necessarily be a Christian? I’m just spitballin’. READ HEGEL, right, bro? Complete another system that kills you! No I’m gonna write more stuff you can cry about, kiss kiss.) At best, I can make utilitarian claims about the betterment of anything material—a plane is more efficient at moving humans across X distance in Y time than a canoe so the design of human-movement machines has “progressed” in a utilitarian sense. If you’re making utilitarian claims about people (like humans have “progressed” through history (though this is often also a moral claim)) then IMO you’ve already claimed humans or their primary “essence” or their their most important mode of being is material (Hegel is an idealist, I know (kinda)), which I reject, and the question is raised, regarding utilitarianism and humans, of what is to be maximized for, what quantifiable thing, and I think that if there even existed something morally good to optimize for (like the health of the people) then it would not be quantifiable (it should not be quantified, at all), it would require judgment. There’s, of course, even more obscured arguments in everything you just read, I’m writing something about a couple of them in a different piece (primarily the naturalistic fallacy)).

5. It’s really funny to say that to a married straight guy, you should try it. Real marriage is probably still available to the truly religious; I might just be projecting my own cynicism onto everyone else. Part of why I think this is because I don’t believe most people when they claim to be religious these days (could just be a projection) and overcoming modernity’s nihilism is daunting. A prenup will be thrown out by a judge, if your wife spends too much time on some website she’ll decide to leave with the kids one day and you get to pay her for the rest of your life. You, as a man, have no real authority in the home, your wife is constantly bombarded with propaganda to marry the state, if you don’t send your kids to school, they will be taken from you at gunpoint, and no community has your back. Can you tell I’m a child of divorce.

6. Not your wife, not your girlfriend. Partner: a dead word sapping the divine you might otherwise glimpse in another person, relegating a former sacred union to the same status as one with whom you do business. If you use the term “partner” to refer to your wife or girlfriend (or husband or boyfriend if somehow you’re a woman reading this) then you are a faggot. Reject the frame of people who hate you. Don’t say partner. (Don’t say toxic or problematic or their other retarded words, either. Reject their frame. Laugh in their fucking ugly faces.)

7. These things, evil and forgiveness, are spiritual in nature, and integrating these concepts into your psyche/spirit might work better towards processing trauma than anything material. Cognitive behavioral therapists hate this one trick.

8. There’s an embedded question here, too: how important is getting off? Like if your “trauma” produced a coping mechanism where you need to expose yourself to strangers then maybe you shouldn’t be getting off. And so we come back to judgement. I dunno about you but I’m always coming back to judgement.

9. I’m really drawn to the Demiurge mythology: the material world itself is the Demiurge’s attempt to create a simulation of the divine. It dovetails nicely with the internet and computers and simulation, I wrote a little more about it here.

10. I saw this quote in Michael Lindsey’s book Irreconcilable and found it highly appropriate, you should read his stuff.

11. Oh you’re doing materialist philosophy? Cool, lemme see your math equations, your objective quantification of the physical AKA physics. Oh you don’t do math? You just suck dick?